Let us remember …we are all who we are. Find the good, magnify it. Find the balance. Pick your battles. Know when it is a battle you should surrender unto.
One of the hardest lessons in life is learning to let people be who they are. We have a long trail of trying to change people, starting in infancy …screaming until the loving parents fold. Later, we try to change our childhood playmates into the friend that plays the way we designed or we will take our toys and go home. Then, it’s the siblings, adult friends and even our spouses.
It is an exhausting challenges to try to change adult people. It is exhausting because we try and fail and then we try again and fail again. We try until we have a revelation, realizing, we cannot change adult people. It’s like trying to change the shape of a hundred year old oak tree.
Nonetheless, people do change, but by their own choice. They may hear what you tell them, trying to direct them into a better way, but it is them that have to embrace the thought and change.
In our relationships, we must realize and truly accept the fact that we cannot redesign our spouses, making them function totally the way we would like. They were full grown, adults when we married them. I know some are thinking they only had an adult body. 🙂 Nonetheless, they were who we chose and they were already molded.
Till death do us part, we can only make suggestions. Experience tells me, nagging doesn’t help, in fact it may do just the opposite. At some point when you have tried and tried again to make, what you think may be positive suggestions and they are not absorbed, you have to come to a conclusion, for yourself, your spouse and the love of the marriage to let them be who they are. If it’s nothing detrimental, learn to adjust. We all have something that causes us to be different and even soooo different.
Pick peace over worrying about minor conforming, understanding over controversy, fine that love that has no regrets, then use that love to covers a multitude of errors that don’t really matter, error that boils down to likes and dislikes.
After almost forty years of marriage, I still have to ask Kevin to take out the garbage, but it never turns into an argument as it did in the early years. Most times I don’t ask …I just do it myself. Often, I have to put the toilet seat down. These are no right or wrongs. He could very well argue I should put it up when I am done, right? 🙂 He now puts the cap on the tooth paste… yeah. I never load the dishwasher to his liking. He still comments on it periodically, but it’s okay, he just rearranges them.
Let us remember …we are all who we are. Find the good, magnify it. Find the balance. Pick your battles. Know when it is a battle you should surrender unto. Last, but not least, don’t spend eons trying to mold your spouse, while missing the present time of loving, enjoying and allowing them to be who they are, embrace the small stuff and pray for everything else. The secret is …it is only God that can change the heart of a woman or a man in all that matters …not the spouse!